Disclaimer: Please don't reach out for condolences or anything. While I respect and appreciate it, honestly, it just brings more pain. I have written this for myself. Please respect it.
I am not a person who shares his emotions out in the world. I like to keep things to myself and my close ones. However, this is huge. It's been more than a month, but it still feels like the worst nightmare. I am eagerly waiting for someone to wake up from this.
I want to wake up to the world, where I can see you again, papa. I want a world where I can talk with you. The world without you is incomplete. The world without you is scary and full of chaos.
There has not been a single day where I have not wanted to talk to you. I am trying to keep myself busy. I am trying to not miss your presence. But I am failing terribly.
From the day you left us, I have not had proper sleep. I just can't sleep. I lie on the bed, looking at the void. The void that has been created with your absence.
They say that you have not left us. You are with us. But then why can't I talk with you? Why can't I see you? I don't agree with them. They are wrong. They are the fortunate ones who have not lost anyone. I pray that they never do!
They also say that things will get okay with time. But they don't understand that I don't want okay. What I want is to wake up from this terrifying nightmare.
I am surrounded by loved ones, and yet, I feel lonely. I am trying, I swear. It is not easy. It is painful. I am not trying to forget you, papa. I never can. I am trying to be more present. I am trying to not affect the people around me with my emotional struggles.
I smile. Let me correct it. I try to smile and hide my pain. I know this is not what you wanted for me. But honestly, I don't know how to deal with this. I am trying my best to be strong for our family. I am trying my best to not cry and get all emotional. But I fail sometimes.
I haven't cried much. I try not to. It is very painful. I am sorry, papa, I am crying right now writing this. This is not easy. But I wanted to let things out. It's been a while.
There is a lot that I want to share with you. I am running out of words and my hands are shaking. For now, wake me up. It's been ages since I have smiled with you!